Etiquette to Texting
Rule 1: Never read other peoples Text.
This just goes for itself really. Its your text, not someone else. It could be an embarrassing doctors appointment about the viral disease you might have caught off that hooker, making sure your girlfriend doesn't know some other women is sending you steamy, kinking sex message or plans to get someone so drunk and cover them in semen that they don't remember. This is why you don't read other peoples text, straight up and foremost.
Rule 2: Don't look at picture messages
Some picture messages are funny, some are cute. Others are of penis. Usually small, erect penis. Do you want to look at penis? Then look at picture messages. If you don't want to look at penis, don't look at picture message.
Rule 3: Replying to a text.
A lot of people can relate to this. You're texting away to someone, then they suddenly stop texting. Why? What has happen to them? OMG THEY HATE ME FML!!! (OK, that's more for the emos out there who cant live without a text cause their life is really that unfulfilling) Majority of the time the person who has stopped texting is busy, at work, masturbating etc. Before you start, just let the person know you cant reply and will reply in due course. There is nothing worse to send 143 texts asking if they are OK, or receiving 143 texts (the first two going 'Are you there?' 'Are you OK?' followed by 141 abusive texts about how much they hate me for not replying, their sorry for what they did wrong and threatening to chop my balls off). So do yourself a favour, and let them know you cant reply to a text.
Rule 4: Do no reply with K
*Sub section to the rule included
People hate you replying with K. Really? you're going to waste your money with just one letter? It shows a lack of thought, and that you may be brain dead or 1/3rd of the way to joining the KKK. Either way you shouldn't do it. Unless your aim is to piss off the other person, then go for it. To even up the ante, when someone replies with 'It's annoying when you just send K' type a full 160 character message with just the letter K and imagine them going nuts.
*Sub section to the rule included
People hate you replying with K. Really? you're going to waste your money with just one letter? It shows a lack of thought, and that you may be brain dead or 1/3rd of the way to joining the KKK. Either way you shouldn't do it. Unless your aim is to piss off the other person, then go for it. To even up the ante, when someone replies with 'It's annoying when you just send K' type a full 160 character message with just the letter K and imagine them going nuts.
Rule 5: Tone
Tone is REALLY important in a text. It's important to know what tone you are sending in a text message.
Rule5a: Tone (For Men)
Guys, when a chick sends a text message...it isn't in a sexy voice. When she goes 'Hey, how are you?' she isn't dressed in her underwear, touching her boob as if she was whispering it seductively in your ear. She just wants to know how you are. And 'Whats up?' doesn't mean you can reply with 'My Penis'. Why is your penis up for a text message anyways? Just wrong.
Rule5b: Tone (For Women)
Women, guys are not all ways angry when they send a text message. Just cause he is busy doesn't mean he hates you, wants to dump you or is cheating on you. He is most likely at a sports event, with the boys or hitting on an attractive young lady in the hopes of 'upgrading' his current dating status.
Rule5a: Tone (For Men)
Guys, when a chick sends a text message...it isn't in a sexy voice. When she goes 'Hey, how are you?' she isn't dressed in her underwear, touching her boob as if she was whispering it seductively in your ear. She just wants to know how you are. And 'Whats up?' doesn't mean you can reply with 'My Penis'. Why is your penis up for a text message anyways? Just wrong.
Rule5b: Tone (For Women)
Women, guys are not all ways angry when they send a text message. Just cause he is busy doesn't mean he hates you, wants to dump you or is cheating on you. He is most likely at a sports event, with the boys or hitting on an attractive young lady in the hopes of 'upgrading' his current dating status.
Rule 6: The use of Anagrams (lol, brb, asap etc)
Please use these sparingly as they can be taken the wrong way. The main one is lol. Parents: Lol does not mean 'Lots of love' it means 'lots of laughter'. Typing 'Dad is in hospital lol' is not funny. Also teens overuse these. Can you type a full word? And what the hell is lolololol? Lots of Laughter of laughter of laughter of lots? Seriously, get it right.
Please use these sparingly as they can be taken the wrong way. The main one is lol. Parents: Lol does not mean 'Lots of love' it means 'lots of laughter'. Typing 'Dad is in hospital lol' is not funny. Also teens overuse these. Can you type a full word? And what the hell is lolololol? Lots of Laughter of laughter of laughter of lots? Seriously, get it right.
Rule 7: Drunk Texting
We all love a good drunken text sent by a friend who has no idea what is going on. Spelling mistakes and nonsensical sentences provides for entertaining reading the next day. However, drunk texting also leads to sending pictures of friends passed out to others that will get them in trouble and genitals to 'that special someone' in the hope you might impress them. When you get drunk, just put your phone away. No one wants to see your cock.
Rule 8: Sexting (Sex Text)
Just like cyber-sex, expect on your phone. This should be illegal. However, since it isn't, just follow a few simple rules. Buy a cover for your phone, its better to be protected. Don't sext around! You could be passing on a sexting transmitted cell-phone virus. Also when sexting, it is rude to show someones genitals to other person, as it should be a private matter. Unless drunk, then all bets are off and show your mates everything! Also, if the bitch or bastard cheats on you, it is your duty to post them on the Internet via Facebook, Twitter or any other medium possible. How dare they do that to you!
Just like cyber-sex, expect on your phone. This should be illegal. However, since it isn't, just follow a few simple rules. Buy a cover for your phone, its better to be protected. Don't sext around! You could be passing on a sexting transmitted cell-phone virus. Also when sexting, it is rude to show someones genitals to other person, as it should be a private matter. Unless drunk, then all bets are off and show your mates everything! Also, if the bitch or bastard cheats on you, it is your duty to post them on the Internet via Facebook, Twitter or any other medium possible. How dare they do that to you!
This is just a small list, but I'm sure we can make amendments to the list over time. Any thoughts/extra rules just let me know :)
Mr G
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