Etiquette of doing a Poo

Well, i think its time for something a little different. I was thinking the etiquette of doing a poo. Everyone needs to do one once a day, but what is the etiquette for those sticky situations? Here is a basic users guide on when and what sort of actions you need to take when you have to go twosies.

At Home
There is no real rules here. Its your house. Leave the door open, anytime of the day, dont use toilet paper, dont flush whatever. There is no rules at your house. All bets are off. Friends are over? Hey, it is your houes. They should be honoured to be in the presence of such a smell.

At a Friends Place
This is well within the realms of ok, however it is frowned upon. If you DO need to go, make it quick and dont tell the friend it was a poo. Just hope and pray it doesnt smell. If it does, open the window and just quickly form an excuse like 'I gotta go home, i left the oven on' or 'I really need to do a poo, gotta go home'

Girlfriends/Boyfriends Place
There are seperate tiers for this one. If you just started dating them, its probably not a good idea to poo in their company at all since this will take vauable time away from getting to know them. Also, plan ahead. Poo at least 3 hours before seeing them. Dont need to go? Well too bad! Force something out. Even if it takes 3 hours. As the relationship progresses, you are more and more likely to drop the kids off at the pool at his/her place. Just hope its not a big one that doesnt flush. If that happens you have two options: Jump out the window or get the toilet brush. But the real issue is if you flush too many times they will know something is up. Better jump that window!

In Laws
Plain and simple - NEVER.

Public
See - In Laws. There is one exception to this law, and thats if you are literally about to shit your pants. I mean turtle neck to the point its coming in contact with your underwear, than you go find a toilet and LINE THAT BAD BOY with toilet paper. Triple layered.

Camping
There is no rules out here. Just ensure you are out of sight of people before you let rip in nature. Also good idea to have something to wipe with. Leaves or a dead rabbit is good.

Well, im sure there are other situations that i havent covered, but these are the basics 'need to knows' for now. If you have others, let me know.

Cheers
Mr G